TBI Survivor Blog Series 2023 - My Sandcastle Brain: Working with Memory

My Sandcastle Brain: Working with Memory

By: Laurie Thomas

I almost forgot to write this blog. Memory is a funny thing. At its base, it’s a range of skills and processes that come together to allow us to store and retrieve information. At its highest, it makes us who we are and helps us function in this life.

Storing sensory, short-, and long-term information is easy for most people. Yet after multiple concussions, I can’t seem to remember the day of the week or the name of my doctor. It hardly seems fair that I had so much executive functioning capacity before but can’t access it now. I definitely didn’t know what I had ‘til it was gone. Working memory used to help me hold information in my mind. Little nuggets that I took for granted, like actual nouns for all the “things” in my world, or the simple requests from kids that seem to bounce out of my brain the moment I hear another word. I would love to read a text and remember to reply when I’ve been able to process the information. I would like to recall the numbers or dates people share at work. I would like to include more examples of the things I now forget, but….

I try to take my forgetfulness with a healthy dose of humour, but it’s not always easy. Sometimes I get freaked out by the grains of sand falling through the holes in my colander brain. The harder I try to cling to those grains so I can construct the sandcastles of work and family life, the faster they fall and the more freaked out I get. How am I supposed to organize and carry out the things I need to do on a daily basis?

Sure, I have lists, calendars, agendas, sticky notes, journals, apps, and three teens reminding me of “things”, but without the ability to hold on to information, I can feel rather lost and childlike. When I see, hear, or experience something, I try to imprint it on my brain like the light bulb you stare at too directly. Unfortunately, the light usually goes out before it has a chance to help me find my way.

So, how do I live with my memory issues?

Pacing — I try to do less, space it out, take breaks, review notes, and scaffold from smaller to bigger achievements to make sure my sand isn’t pushed out of the colander too fast.

Routine – Knowing what to expect on a given day of the week makes it easier for me to remember things. It tethers my ship to a tugboat and helps me get where I need to go.   

Adjusting Expectations — I adjust my expectations to look less like a superstar succeeder and more like an accepting achiever. I also encourage others to expect what I can accomplish most of the time. 

Play — If I get out of my own way, I can still have fun sometimes. Being silly helps me connect the dots and forget to worry about forgetting! Laughing and accepting the moments makes it easier to live in them and form happier memories too.

My strategies aren’t foolproof. Nothing is in this life. But they’re a good reminder to slow down and accept the person I am now. My sandcastle brain may get washed out often, and the shovels and buckets may be a bit broken, but I can try again in a few minutes, hours, or days. I may be able to remember who I used to be and what I used to accomplish, but I can’t live in the past. So, it’s better to move forward lightly, enjoying the sun on the sand and building what I can now in this life.

Laurie Thomas’ Bio:

My entire life, I have loved reading and writing, and I’m lucky enough to do what I love as an editor, writer, and mom. Although I have sustained multiple concussions throughout my life (All my clumsy, unlucky friends, raise your hands!), I have not lost my love of learning and communicating. Even when my speech was slurred or the words of others didn’t make sense, I found ways to connect with what brought me joy. I hope my stories can help you smile in recognition and hope.